Saturday, August 20, 2011

Sugar Dating in a Nutshell

Summing up the bad (and ignoring the good bits...) in seven months of sugar dating.

Excuse me, did you really just ask about "the money?" I didn't think you were...are you an...Woah. I don't want that kind of relationship, babe.

Ok, good, I knew you were a nice girl. Sweetheart, you're new at this, aren't you?

I knew it babe, I like that freshness. Maybe I can break your sugar-cherry so to speak. You know, it's a beautiful thing. It's about a young, beautiful woman enjoying being taken care of by a wise, intelligent older man. It's about clear expectations, it's about honesty, it's about no drama. So tell me...what are your favorite sex positions?

A pervert? Baby, now, you need to loosen up a little bit. I'll be gentle and ease you in, I promise. Forgive me, it's all of the testosterone in me, and from that photograph, you're a delicious looking little lady.

My expectations?

Well...Well, it's very important, I don't waste my time, you gotta be ready for me when I want you, you gotta be willing to travel, I'm a dominant guy, so if you're into being a little slave, then I think we're on the right track. And well, to set up expectations, this type of thing is all about honesty, you know, I do hope we can enjoy intimacy on the first date. My time is valuable, baby, I don't have time to waste with someone who's gonna flake. And it's natural to want to crave that after spending an hour in the company of a beautiful young woman, to want to enjoy her.

And, I'm just telling you this cause I get really fucking annoyed when I do the chivalrous thing and rent her a hotel room and all the girl does is want to cuddle and fall asleep. Damn, just thinking about that chick gets me going...look what I do for her, I don't want my drunk baby to be alone with one of those african arab cabbies, you can't trust them, I protect my girl from that trash, waste 400 dollars on a hotel suite, and then she does that to me? 

How about this baby, why don't you calm me down. Tell me, what kind of underwear are you wearing?

What I mean by NSA? I just mean I want a happy go lucky relationship. You know, I've had these in the past where my girl ends up becoming dramatic. You know, letting their hearts take control of them and just going wild, wanting to see me when I don't want to see them, talking about feelings, wanting to meet up and not have sex, wanting me to leave my wife...You know, liking the idea of a sugar relationship and liking it are two different things. It takes a very strong woman to be wild for a man and not confusing that with love, to enjoy being someone's dirty little secret...I respect that. So babe, tell me, how many times a day do you masturbate?

Huh? What do I mean by mutually beneficial? Baby, I tell you I always take care of my girls. I would be more than happy to spoil you rotten, take you out to to restaurants your college boys could never afford.

On a diet so you don't know if...well, I'm glad about that, baby. I like my girls so I can see through em. The protective part of me. But every girl likes to dress up for her man, be his arm candy. And babe, you can be sure I'll get you lots of sexy little outfits and lingerie and bling so you look the part.

What? You really aren't materialistic, don't see the point in having a 500 dollar dress when you could shop at nordstroms rack, don't see the point of going to really overpriced restaurants?

Listen, you sound like an experience, not things girl. I'll spoil you rotten with trips? Why don't I fly you out with me on my business trips and we can enjoy some sensual time together on the corporate tab? I have frequent flyer miles up to wazoo, and my secretary always books with consideration for my girls. You like to travel right?

Excuse me? You'd really rather have the cash and use it to take a trip with your real friends? Ouch. That hurt. I am your real friend, baby. Right, and that's another thing I have to explain...I like your's not a public friendship. It's a private one. We don't meet eachother's family, colleagues, friends. And my girls can't call or text me...and...since honesty is so important in this, most of the time, we'll just be meeting in the intimacy of my hotel room...I really can't find someone my wife knows spotting us, that's understandable, right baby?...but I love my girls, I love them in a really deep, special way that isn't about thinking about the future or showing off to friends.

So tell me baby, are you shaved or bare? I like a clean pussy.

Accepted to Columbia law, protect your discretion too...Baby, now, don't get me wrong, I always love my girls for the beautiful young women they are...but how can a guy hide something he's so proud of? You know it's gonna be impossible for me to not show that sexy little picture you sent me, yeah, on the bed, you got it, to just a few of the partners at the firm?

Baby baby, listen, no, I never treat my girls like pieces of meat. Baby, you don't understand, I love them, I want to protect them, I always take care of my girlfriends. Rent and gas, Let me be your mentor, any college debt?

Excuse me, did you just say that your mother pays for your tuition and apartment? I'm sorry, did you just say your mother works? Like, in a suit? Women don't have real jobs. Wait, so why are you doing this again?

You like money, you like people, and you like sex?

So tell me, sweetheart, what do you hope to get out of this relationship?

Excuse me. Did you really just say you want to put money into gold funds? I don't know if...I always help out my girls, but I'm really only okay with helping out. You know, taking care of their needs. Adding some sugar to their life while they're in mine. 

That's just, you know, that makes me angry. "Is that because because it ensures that the other person is really pretty desperate and allows me to think I'm mentoring and helping out someone rather than paying for sex?" You really don't understand, babe, do you?

What, are you crazy? Starting up at Columbia in a year, parents won't pay for, you want me to pay it all now? Baby, I have to be discrete, baby, and I'm pretty sure the wife would notice if that goes missing.

How much would I be able to contribute on a monthly basis? You mean, like an allowance?

No, baby, now that just isn't fair to me. You see, I'm a busy man, I'm a workoholic, work and family first, what happens if I'm busy at work or on a family vacation and don't get to see you? Then I get the raw end of the deal.

No no no, baby, no. I'm not saying that I would want to help you out less if I see you less.

How long? How long? Baby, this is N. S. A. No strings, no drama, no BULL SHIT.

The last one? Well, do you mean someone I didn't stop shagging because they had a wierd mole, or didn't like me pulling their hair, or had droopy breasts, or stretch marks on their thighs, or a loose cooch?

About four months...but that was only because the wife checked her email in the middle of the night and saw hers there and threatened to forward all of her emails if to her daddy if she ever contacted me again.

But baby, live in the moment!

Then you'd like to at least do a set amount? Baby sweetheart don't you see, that's so transactional. That hurts me, that makes me feel like you're just doing this for the money. Can't we just be free...I give you the spare wad of twenties in my pocket at the end of the night.

You'd really rather be able to know exactly what you're getting out of this?

Excuse me? I don't take girls who aren't in for me. And me only. You've been burned before, baby, I know it, see, that's how I became so protective, so many girls have been burned and don't know how to let live and trust. You won't have to worry, I've made my way up in life, I'm a gentleman, one of those guys that like to take care of girls, you hurt me by asking how I'll help you out.

What? Did you just compare that to... how can you see it like that. See, I didn't think you were that kind of girl, but maybe I was wrong. It's not like that, how can you see it like that? It's about helping out a friend whenever I have time for her.

Did you really just say you've reconsidered and would rather have control over what you get out of sex than who you have sex with.

Are you saying you let anyone fuck you however they want? Huh, not picky, but that the 500/hour as a screening tool should do the trick?

You're going to get ugly ass men who are old enough to be your grandfather.

Huh, not attracted to physicality but intelligence, wealth, power and kindness?

You're full of shit. Attraction is all visual. You know, men who pay for sex are pathetic sadists and hate and exploit women. You do know that don't you?

You poor thing, I can see it, you've been burned so many times you don't know how to open your heart; you'd rather whore yourself to the world then trust and become a knight in shining armour's little princess.

Poor poor girl.

I pity you'll never find a way to open yourself to the beauty of a mutually beneficial relationship.

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